Marcy A. Rubin, Psy.D
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Rubin incorporates multicultural philosophies in providing her clients a wide range of resources for coping, personal growth and change.
Before you can evaluate what to do about a troubled relationship, you may first have to look at yourself and understand who you are based on the value of priority of your needs.
Are your needs being met in the context of your current relationship? If not, there may be potentially dangerous or damaging consequences.
Make a distinction between the quantity of years spend in your marriage and the amount of quality time within those years to assess your definition of marital fulfillment. If you find that quantity is more important, you may have a logical strategy - remaining married. If, however, you prefer quality over quantity - other action may be required.
Depending on the discrepancy of quantity over quality, and the wiliness and capacity of the individual spouses to work toward fulfilling each other's basic requirements for marriage (i.e. quantity vs. quality), the strategy needed to attempt a reconciliation or prepare for a divorce becomes more apparent.
A qualified therapist can help you work through the issues that are either holding you back from achieving reconciliation or preparing for a successful divorce.
The Mediation process requires two individuals who are willing to look past their emotions and, in the spirit of cooperation, find the best solution for their situation.
For Mediation to be successful there has to be some communication between you and your spouse to make concessions, and at times compromise to find a workable solution. If both parties are committed to resolving their conflicts, the rewards can outweigh the effort.
Mediation is not intended to bring you and your spouse back together. If there is a possibility of reconciliation - seek marriage counseling or therapy. The process of mediation helps draw up a blueprint for living apart; the mediator's job is to help each of you get on with your lives as individuals.
Mediation can be successful to: save the cost and time of a lengthy divorce trial; create and outcome which is both better suited to your family's needs and easier to accept than a decision dictated by a judge; teach couples how to open lines of communication; and find a way for you to recapture your dignity.